Understanding your attachment style can help you better understand yourself, your eating habits, and your relationship. Knowing which of the attachment styles applies to you can be the key to unlocking hard happiness. If you want to know what your attachment style says about you, read on.
How Does Attachment Style Affect Relationships?
Now that you have a general idea of what attachment style you can have, here’s how your attachment style can affect your behaviour in romantic relationships and what you can do to build a healthier relationship.
If you have a secure attachment style, you tend to show compassion and feel comfortable being on your own. You know how to deal with rejection and aren’t as afraid of failure or rejection as those with other attachment styles. Also, you are better at choosing worthy partners because you are naturally interested in people who treat you well and in relationships that make you feel satisfied and happy.
If you are the safe type: Trusting
Others may be easy for you, but make sure you don’t trust people too much and too quickly. Also, just because you can tolerate a relationship doesn’t mean you have to stay in it. Don’t feel bad for striving for a relationship that really makes you happy. You do not need to be responsible for someone else’s luggage.
A quarter of us are extremely independent and uncomfortable being too close to others. If you are shy, you may experience ‘commitment issues’ and always seem ‘too busy’ for a completely committed relationship. Whether you realize it or not, you tend to feel more comfortable working late at the office rather than having an intimate night with your partner.
If you are the timid type:
Every time you start to distance or block yourself from getting close to someone, make a note. Maybe you said you were not ready to enter a relationship but you still got into a relationship. Perhaps you are constantly looking for an excuse to ‘prove’ that your partner is not right for you. You may be choosing partners who you know to have no future.
When you notice that you are starting to push yourself away, remember that discomfort is something you can control, and perhaps you should give it a chance before escaping with pure instinct. It can also be helpful to choose a partner with a secure attachment style and start controlling your tendency to overcome your partner’s flaws. Understand that no one will be perfect and start focusing more on what makes your partner great.
You may find it more uncomfortable to be single compared to other types of attachment, and therefore you are more likely to enter into unhealthy relationships just to avoid being single. You may also have difficulty trusting your partners, as your fear of separation may raise doubts about your partner’s intentions and loyalty.
If you are the anxious type:
Work to communicate your needs more effectively. It can be scary to express your feelings and needs to your partner openly and directly, but it is very important to establish a stable dialogue between couples, and when you know that you are both on the same page, it can relieve a lot of stress in the relationship.
If you are anxious-avoidant attachment style, you may feel some degree of confusion and frustration as you want to be close to someone but also feel uncomfortable with intimacy. Therefore, you may want to consider finding out that you can safely trust by consciously choosing to reveal small portions of yourself and measuring how the other person will react to that information.
Do not be afraid to confront others on matters that matter to you, but be open-minded in evaluating reasonable arguments so as not to impede your personal growth or limit the expansion of your worldview.
Don’t despair if you don’t have a secure attachment style. It’s never too late to change your attachment style, even if most of them were developed based on childhood relationships with our parents or caregivers.
If you know your attachment style, you can try to create a secure attachment by working on your self-esteem or by showing compassion and connecting with others. The key to both anxious and avoidant attachment styles are learning how to deal with fear.